It was the last week of April 2017. The guys and I had rented an apartment in Constanța to share between the four of us. One of my friends lives here in Romania, and some of his classmates were going to the event as well. We all knew each other, and at some point, I noticed they started talking about drugs. It was a topic that had always scared me, partly because of my family, partly because of the movies I had seen, and partly because of everything you hear on the news. I couldn’t stand it. Just hearing about that kind of stuff made me sick. Not everyone in the group was taking drugs, though. Some of them were perfectly happy just drinking alcohol.

I found out that one of them, an Italian guy studying medicine, not only took drugs but actually produced them together with a friend of his in a lab at home. He seemed like a decent person, very different from the image I had always had in my head of the typical drug addict. He talked about ecstasy pills, their effects and their risks. I won’t deny that I was curious, but for the moment I limited myself to listening while he explained things that were completely unfamiliar to me. I had absolutely no intention of trying anything like that. If I went to the festival, I would just drink beer, and maybe a cocktail or two.

I have to admit the festival was organised really well. The place was spectacular, even though the weather wasn’t the best: slightly cloudy and a bit chilly. The event took place on the beach of Mamaia, near Constanța. There were several stages with world-famous DJs playing their tracks. The sound was incredible, the speakers insanely powerful, but I didn’t like the music. It almost annoyed me. I kept asking myself what the hell I was doing there. I felt out of place.

I had a few beers, but the result was always the same. The only thing I really enjoyed was the company of my friends. At some point we went back home, and the first day ended like that.

The second day, however, changed everything.

I hadn’t managed to sleep, and for the rest of the trip, I wouldn’t sleep either. Entire nights spent awake, between anxiety and all sorts of paranoid thoughts. Since I was already awake, and so were my friends, and since the festival was open twenty-four hours a day, we decided to go early so we could enjoy the first light of the morning. At six in the morning, we were all in the kitchen drinking beer. I had never drunk alcohol that early in my life, and I’m pretty sure it would be the only time.

Anyway, on an empty stomach, I started feeling tipsy and strangely energized for the festival. We took a taxi, and within fifteen minutes we were at the entrance. There we met the rest of our friends.

I have just one beer, because I already feel pretty drunk. Some of them take pills and ask if I want one. In that moment, thanks to the alcohol, I say yes. They put a pink pill in my hand, shaped like a penguin. The name of this pill is Happy Feet. They suggest I take half first, since I don’t yet know how this drug might affect me.

From that moment on, I decide to drink only water. Despite the alcohol, I naturally start looking around to see where the emergency points are, the ambulances and the paramedics placed there in case someone feels sick during the festival. They’re there to make sure that if someone takes the wrong substance or the wrong dose, they don’t end up dying. I buy a half-liter bottle of water and keep it in my pocket while I wait for the effect, dancing in front of Ricardo Villalobos.

After half an hour I still don’t feel anything, so I decide to take the other half. About twenty minutes pass and there it is. Now I feel something. A pleasant sensation of warmth spreads through my body and it feels like everything around me begins to change, slowly, gently. The colors start to become more vivid, the music becomes more intense, and I can feel it with my whole body. And I start to like it. A lot.

I feel an incredible energy, a complete sense of well-being. This is the moment when techno, from a type of music I had always hated, turns into something truly magical for me. It’s as if, in that instant, I finally understood it. And it was the music for me. No other genre had ever made me feel the emotions I was feeling at that moment. It was probably the ecstasy, of course, but in that moment I don’t think about it and I don’t care. I’m inside the music.

I close my eyes.